Holistic Stress Relief Mentor
Energy Tapping Expert
& Advanced TRE Provider
How long have I been doing what I do, and how did I become a Holistic Mentor focused on Stress Relief and Self-Regulation?
To answer this question it’s probably best that I share with you my story, that brought me to where I am today – mentoring women like you, on exactly what to do to get crystal clear on what they want out of life, banish old thoughts patterns and stories that keep them looping, and build something new out of curiosity, passion and comfort.
I grew up the oldest of three in an unconscious, dysfunctional household. I was a very sensitive child and an introvert.
Without a consistently safe presence, that I personally needed to express and share my deep sensitivity, I became afraid to be seen.
I remember a few times I shared my inner vulnerabilities, they were exposed by my closest caregivers, which drove me further inward with no one to trust. On top of that, my parents’ families despised each other and I was stuck in an identity crisis that neither of my parents understood or did anything about.
All of this created an internal anxious emotional tug-o-war from the deep shame and humiliation, which I ate to numb the feelings.
Outwardly, my family looked normal. However, behind the scenes my Mother didn’t have the strong sense of self to be able to shape my identity or attune to my deep introverted sensitivity. She’d been raised with projection from others (including her own family) and their judgement. She developed her own self-consciousness about how she looked after surviving an early childhood health scare which resulted in steroid treatment and temporary weight gain. That translated to me, a taller, bigger boned child, being perceived as fat and sent to first grade with a salad (in the mid-70’s). At the same time, my Father carried a lot of anger, resentment and pressure of responsibility, that he projected his angst and frustration onto the family and namely me (or at least that’s how I perceived it). Overeating and alcohol abuse were coping strategies he used to keep him disconnected from pouring loving energy into me. Instead, I grew up witnessing him nurture other young family and friends instead of his own. It was devastating to know he had this capacity but chose to point it elsewhere.
With each early developmental year passing into my teenage years, my emotional eating escalated and my weight increased.
I didn’t feel safe or trust sharing my needs with my own parents; whom in my reality, had betrayed my deep sensitivity and abandoned the unconditional love I desperately craved. I became hyper-vigilant to watching out for who or what was next.
I went into self protection, survival mode and was just existing, keeping my life as private as I could, while my overweight body told a different story to the outside judgmental world.
I had no sense of self, other than being told what I liked, what I would have to put up with and how I should feel. Without having a safe, trusting place to address what I was feeling and experiencing, which was driving my weight gain, I numbed my devastation and my internal rage with food.
By my early twenties, I was 450 pounds. I was completely unconscious from the neck down.
I was entirely disconnected from my body. I had no safe place to process the deep well of my feelings and so I numbed, and numbed, and numbed. I became voluntarily unconscious.
Avoidance became my greatest skill.
I didn’t know it at the time but I was craving safety - safety in my surroundings, in my body, in my emotions. Years without a perception of consistent safety, at the depth of my personal need, resulted in my nervous system shutting down and passing out from intense anxiety. Doctors and even my Mother, a nurse, were thrilled to uncover the “cause” of my anxiety symptoms (a sensitive vagus nerve), but not what had created or was fueling it.
I had started taking Xanax in college and had built up a tolerance. I needed more, more, more. I couldn’t go in elevators, airplanes or car washes without a pill. I took up to 10 per day.
I spent the next decade up and down the scale as I took steps forward and backward in my quest to find the consistent safety and connection I craved.
With each inch forward, I built momentum toward feeling a little more powerful. I realized for the first time that I had the power of choice. I’ll never forget the revelation that I like my eggs scrambled. I had never before realized I could assert my own decisions. And what started with eggs soon spread to the rest of my life. I was tired of functional living. I was eager to choose something better.
The stresses of my high-pressured life and job in New York City were mounting. I didn’t have the security of a loving, accepting family. I dove into work – my only safe place, and grew to love the success I found there. But the job consumed me more than I realized. I resisted change and emotion.
And in my relationships, I found myself repeating the pattern of my parents.
Dysfunction has a way of attracting dysfunction.
I felt less and less like myself and more like a mixture of other people’s psychology, habits, and needs.
But then a man I cared about told me he was moving out of state and wanted me to join him without any real commitment. It was odd and confusing, but, it did give me a new and different idea. I could have a fresh start and I could move wherever I wanted!
And so, in 2004, I picked up everything I owned, cut my ties to New Jersey / New York and moved to Florida within five months. And doing so changed my life.
I spent my 20’s and early 30’s looping in my trauma drama, up and down the scale between unworthiness & shame and building self honor.
Being in Florida gave me space. It slowed me down. It allowed me to fully come into my own, and it was at this time I began to explore a variety of methods to help me get healthy, mind and body. I soon found my way to the modality that made all the difference – Energy Meridian Tapping (similar to Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT).
I loved tapping and devoured all the information and certifications I could find for it. I also found TRE (Trauma/Tension Release Exercises) that taught me how to safely come home into my body and self-regulate.
In putting these tools and techniques to work in my life, I noticed after a few months that I wasn’t buying ice cream anymore - a baffling realization as I used to buy multiple cartons every single shopping trip. And then I noticed the ice cream I did buy wasn’t being eaten. I was asserting myself to making better choices. I saw more and more proof both of the power of tapping and of my own ability to change, grow, and heal.
I lost the weight, dropped the pills, and built healthier connections with both my body and myself; which I recognize is a lifelong relationship.
And, perhaps most importantly, I was filled with a new, ardent desire - to help other women. I was soon sharing tapping with friends and giving free workshops all over town.
I learned to honor myself and started teaching other women how they can do the same: I watched them learn to trust themselves, too.
I have since made a commitment to dedicate the rest of my professional life to helping others transform their stress, and, connect with themselves, genuinely and deeply so they live life with real aliveness!
You Too Can Transform!
#getshifting #livewithaliveness #tappingworks #stopcopingstartliving